Bucket lists? We’ve all made them – from New Year resolutions to our list of ‘Ten Things To Do Before 30’ – we’ve filled our lives with endless list items waiting to be ticked off.
A bucket list is simply a list of things to do in future – things you expect to do when you have more money, when you are braver, or just before you die. Bucket lists sure comes with its benefits like helping you stay focused on things you consider your life’s task, however, I find them to be too much pressure (feel free to insert a quote here about life being about the journey and not just about crossing items off a list).
Personally, I think bucket lists would be more fun if we got real cheques instead of just checks on completion. You start a business, you get a cheque for ten thousand dollars; you finally propose to the woman of your dreams, you get a million dollars! Unfortunately, wishes are not horses so beggars can’t ride, which gets me thinking… “If wishes are not horses, can they perhaps be cars or something else?” Why do these idiomatic beggars want horses anyway?
Bucket lists are fun to write, true. I enjoy writing them and if I could just write them for someone else, and make money from it, that would be pretty dope. I’ll come up with a huge list of things that would keep your heart pumping in agitation and an everlasting fear of incompetence, but it will keep your heart pumping nonetheless.
Anyways, I woke up this morning to the realization that on the morning of January 1st, 2019, I had jumped out of bed, started a cardio workout which I convinced myself would go on throughout the year. It’s November, but January 1st was my last session this year. What it made me realize is that we do not need bucket lists, what we need is an anti-bucket list!
An anti-bucket list is a list of things you would not be caught dead doing again or ever, not even with a gun to your head, even if it means it could save the whole world or make people go, “Well, she is stupid, but what hero isn’t?” You wouldn’t do those things.
Here are some of mine; you can also let me know yours in the comments.
- Boxing: I mean, I’m a strong independent woman and all but that has nothing to do with physical strength. If boxing means getting beat to a pulp, then no, I’ll pass.
- Eating human dung: I heard some people are out there taking a spoonful. I’ll pass.
- Attend a high school reunion: Maybe for a chance to cure cancer, but seriously though, why do people do that?
- Eat a raw spider: If you can convince me it tastes like chicken, maybe.
- Climb Mount Everest: You would think this was a no-brainer but apparently, it isn’t. Gun to my head? I’m dead either way. I mean, I can feel all that from the top of my six-foot inch heels and I can tell you this for free, it feels woozy from up there.
- Tattoo my face – I have toyed with the idea once or twice; a semi-colon on my wrists for sentimental reasons. But I was watching Doctor Phil the other day and this Cardi B wannabe that was on the show tattooed “suck my d**k” on her forehead and somehow I think the idea of ever getting a tattoo for whatever reason sort of lost its taste for me.
I think everyone should have a bucket list and work on ticking them off too, however, if you feel haunted, guilty and helpless because life is passing you by and you can’t seem to get anything off your list, an anti-bucket list may help. I think once we have a list of things we would never do, it helps us focus on the things we need to do.
Tell me, if you’re to write an anti-bucket list, what would make your list?
Sincerely, thank you for reading.
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